Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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