If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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