I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
