He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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