I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
