i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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