the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
