I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
