actually, I'm a sock model
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
