We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
