Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
