i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
dude. I can hear the air.
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