then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
