what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
