My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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