Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
