quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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