I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
