guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
