i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
