come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
