i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sex in a hospital.. check
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
