somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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