Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
