9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
