would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
