Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
