I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
