I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
