another moral hangover. fuck.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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