Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
