oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
