can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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