I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
