Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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