It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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