she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
