We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
