Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
