if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
