Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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