Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
