Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
