Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
