I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
