Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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