No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
