i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
