So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
