Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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